so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
