Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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