Jerry, you need to find god
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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