Betty ford says i'm here all night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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