Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
