I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
