I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
