i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
