I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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