I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
