I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
