I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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