Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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