you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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