I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
