Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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