____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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