I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize