youre lurking in front of me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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