so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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