So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My vagina is officially offended.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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