So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
