No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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