I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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