I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
