i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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