My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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