Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
