dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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