i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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