I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
