Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
