I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
