woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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