I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
