Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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