new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
