I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
