Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
