You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
last night I used snow as a chaser
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
