do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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