yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
