writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
