So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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