you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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