I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
