I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
