somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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