either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
