Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i barfeds in our rink
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
