she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
