cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
