Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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