Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
