Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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