I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
