I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
