I hope mine doesn't look like that
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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