..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
