Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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