Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
