Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
