Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize