Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
