She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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