Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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