I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize